Cold as ice,Sannuland and destruction.

"Thank you for teaching me so much.

I am not bitter anymore about you dumping me.

I wont make the same mistakes.

I would like to have you back, but i dont want to be a burden

so I really am giving my best to stay away"

 those ice cold words slipped trought my mind with the tought of

 "I got dumped."

There was no bitterness,

 no self pity

, just harsh truth

, unchangable and accepted.

I wont cry.

Im not bitter.

I want to fade away.

I wont fade away.

still i want to fade away.

forever.

It is hard.

It is painful,

but i wont be able to erase it.

Is it enough?`

You have had anough?

Thank you and goodbye.

So I tell myself every fucking day.

Im sorry, It wasnt good.

I wasnt good.

You are prolly laughing now?`

I will be born again..

I will be born as myself.

Then i will give my best smile .

Just knowing you can is not enough if you still dont.

The distance. The radiance of a setting sun, i beleve its prettyer then the rise.

As it matures it gets the right color, things only end for us to start a new.

I had a busy day of wasting my time.

On what?

Obviously on making my own pity life more complicated,

thats what i always do.

Why?

Cause theres this other girl in me,

telling me im not strong enough.

Telling me, Im still not really me.

The obstacles are like mountains, only not made by the hand of god

Made by the hand of me

Once i lose control of the situation and break down again..

Thats when i will rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

To be a little bit more thn just me.

Cause Just being me, is never enough.

You know it.

Everyone does.

Its just a question of admiting it.

I know this cold voice

Im just not letting it reach me.

If i were made of ice, i would like to melt now...

enough with the time standing still.

Im sliding backwards down te mountain.

But its not like its impossible to climb back up.

Then again,

Climbing te same mountain twice seems kinda boring.

I will find a better one.

Ripped off Wings,I refuse to Scream.

Your the lifetaker i never expected to come.

Never once did I tink you actually cared but i stayed around.

Somehow I just couldnt leave you alone.

First you used me and then you threw me away, you know

the usual that just goes with the show.

In one way you gave me so much i before couldnt have dreamed

but in another you ripped off my wings

even so i still refuse to scream.

The ones that made us where the little things.

In my imagination, the pain is taking over

Emptyness and sorrow

My eyes and ears i now shall cover

knock it, my inside is hallow

Feel free to stay around

even if it brings me down.

Any weakness i wont show

when it hurts and when i cry

I will pretend that i dont know

The billion stars in the sky

Shining brigther then ever I .

What hurts shall perish from my eyes

No promises were ever made

and me, you never really tamed.

This time, in the end

I shall keep it and pretend

                                                            BULLSHIT.Im Crying.

Well Well, and what do we have here? 10 perverts, freshly packed.My friend sent em from Turkey.

So its nearly 1 at nigh. 13th november 2010.

My mind just went kaboom BLANK.

I have been skipping school whole week, and spent my time uhum

doing noooooooothing. XD MWHAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah, i dont have anything much to say really.

Just dont get in my way or i will have to shoot you dead too.

--------------------------------

Humans really are, the most amusing  toys ever created.

So, toys are for playing right`? ^^

Life too, is just a game.

With bets,little bit higher then we would like to admit.

Want to play?

Harem,Harem,WELCOME to MY Harem.

There is always hope,cause i refuse to give it up.

I, Yes me.

The person who walks around and claims that hope is for the dumb.

But hehe, i just might be a little bit dumb.

The fact that im slow,is well known anyways.

Happy Endings arent ment for this world.

There still are some tho.

People get cut,thats life,they dont need to have me

in theyr lives to get hurt honestly.

Today its raining...

but tomorrow`?

Who are you to say.

You claim to know but you dont.

Tomorrow, i wont be who i am today.

Tomorrow, i might not agree to the toughts i tought today.

but,

I find it all to be quite precious.

Cause we find it amazing to be Alive.

Happy Weekend Bitches -huuugs-

I Flash, I Dance, Yourway fuckface i wont glance.

"Oh and just so everyone would know,

Im offically a cockblocker again.

Cause i totally feel like it.

And I will never be tamed,

so if you cant deal with my attitude,

stop bothering yourself,

you cant ask me to be something im not -

sweet,nice,friendly.

My sarcastic jokes will follow me to hell,

and everything else too."

Or uhum thats what i sayd in september.. XD

Sorrry :O

I so have changed my mind now XD haha!

Or maybe i have some secret evil plans.

I am not supposed to have any emotions anyways :D

So once again i have come home to Keila.

Nostalgic, really nostalgic.

Makes me feel really calm n shit.

Anyways im sorry everyone that i havent been writing really :D

not that anyone reads anyways.

So ...

"DEAR SANNU,

IM EXTREMLY FUCKING SORRY

I HAVENT BEEN WRITING TO YOU LATELY .

P.S JUST READ THE NOTEBOOK INSTEAD. "

yeah paper and a pen, feels way better thn this bullshit :D

Ttyl.

 http://sannusuicidal.blogspot.com/2010/08/your-cock-is-so-small-that-it-cant-even.html

Thats just weird and funny! XD i actually had funny days :D

You just dont know anything about me. :]

Somone wants to kill me.
few past weeks have been like a drama written by an 11 year old, its so stupid and silly yet its creeping me and everyone out, you laugh about it but still ... its all happening and noone can stop it.






Only my death.





For some reason i get the feeling that i have been slowly killing myself ever since the
very beginning of myself.
Theres nothing I have done to keep on living.
Just have been putting myself down with weird toughts, killing myself with every step taken.
I still find it to be rather amasing to be this happy while waiting for my own death,
quite silly, aint it?
Tomorrow is the day. I will be 18.
What good have i done for myself in those 18 years? NOTHING.
Do i even have the will to keep on living? Oh my Hell yes?
The train drove past the graveyard.I still feel botheres by the dream.
I guess i should go there afterall.
Visit the grave of my very own brother.
How long has it been i wonder? 10 years? 11?
He is the reason i cant be happy on newyears eve.
Hes death has got nothing to do with me but for some reason i still feel like
if i were dead, had never been born maybe he would have gotten the chance to live instead
and who knows maybe he would have more use for this life.
Who knows indeed...
I know somone who wants to kill me...Maybe she will. Death never makes anyone happy tho.
Whatever she thinks my death will help her accoplish she will fail.Im just a tiny piece
out of billions in this puzzle.
I wish her luck, thats all i can do anyways.
By every step i take on this endless road somone will lose somone will gain something.
I cant make the whole world happy, just cant.

I will let the penguins chain me to the stone and grave the word pain trought every cell

of this mortal body.Until my mind goes blank and there is nothing else i know.

For the silly dream of being somone im not.

I will have the heart of stone.

Someday..someday for sure. ^^

Come here Kitty!Long time no see? :D

Woopers im finally writing something.
Its been really long.
I will make it short.
Lotsa drama and no internet is what has been going on. :]
I shall make it up to everyone soon.
Dont worry.
Me and my penguis, we are just fine...
or well :D atleast we are alive n rockin babeh.

I have a kitty now :]
feels nizze.

Imma turn 18 soon . On the 26th. So wish me happy bd! :D

Well thn, ttyl. ^^

I dont have the time,I dont have the will.

I wish the wind, would blow me away

Where am I ?

Who am I ?

why am I .. ?

Above her sweater shes wearing this thing,

above her head there is a golden ring,

its amazing to see such a creature,

happyness and joy, its a mixture.

on her back,the night dark wings

there are signs

of being tainted

by the coldness of this word.

The bells are ringing,

in the chapels, in human hearts

the gentle wind,

the speed of all those things,

passing by as she opens her wings

as she fastens to the ground ,

those wings cant carry her around,

shes half a human half a ghost,

to this body just a host,

shes the prisoner of iron cell

she comes from a place worse then hell

and when you yell her name ,

it doesnt matter its all the same

her eyes are closed she has muted the world

the darkness and the cold ,

about the times when sun seems blue,

she doesnt know you dont have a clue

in the middle of these healdess sheeps,

in the darkest corner of the chest,

laying in the depths your heart she sleeps.

Wake, just wake, cast away the dreams ,

her soul,let free, let her become real.

Sweet dreams are made of boobs... not really , just penguins...

School and work. Work and sleep.

Sleep and School and so it goes on.

I actually went out and drank beer today :]

It felt,

good.

It really did.

Danke Krissu.

I had fun!

Nothing ever happens.

So how about we stop waiting like fools,

and do something about it?

The world. sometimes seems unreal,

surreal.

Who knows,

the secrets of it anyways.

It hasent really been that long,

today i feel refreshed for some reason.

Maybe cause i didnt have to wake up so early :3

cause i stayed over at friends.

Oh and just so everyone would know,

Im offically a cockblocker again.

Cause i totally feel like it.

And I will never be tamed,

so if you cant deal with my attitude,

stop bothering yourself,

you cant ask me to be something im not -

sweet,nice,friendly.

My sarcastic jokes will follow me to hell,

and everything else too.

Freedom doesnt really exsist,

only to some point one could call themselves "free" or "unimpendent"

Cause everything always depends on somone/something

other then yourself.

Dear sweetheart,

go shave you back now.

 

 

 

WARNING THE NEXT VIDEO IS REALLY DISTURBING!

 

 

 

 

LMAO.Thank god i dance better thn that :D

Penguins, Pink eggs with black ribbons. Im theyr mom. Purple w limegreen dots! :]

There once lived this girl,

she lost her faith,

didnt know what to do anymore.

Her parents told her to do whatever she wants,

that moment, death was swimming around in her toughts.

Her boyfriend told her to get over it fast

but she didnt feel like she should leave it in the past.

Friends they sayd that it would be fine,

she couldnt beleve it, it was impossible to hide.

Her granny told her to listen to use her head

that moment,all the toughts, they were already dead.

She felt like there was nothing that could have been done,

she knew that all of it was, unexsistance of the love.

Am i sorry?

Im really not.

Should i be?

who knows.

Does it matter?

No.

I couldnt care any less, cause

i dont care at all.

Im not afraid of the dark,

but id prefer to face it standing next to you,

cause i can.

But now, i just feel betrayed.

And your nolonger here,

or maybe you never were?

I dont know.

Im silently trying to escape this hell,

but i will never make it.

Cause i always fall back when i reach the top of the hill.

I just really want to quit.

QUIT IT ALL.

I just wish i could walk away,

just walk away.

watching everyone crush my everything. :]

Piece by piece ,

but it will never completley fall apart.

It doesnt matter anymore ,

it just doesnt. . .

I still, am keeping my smile

on the palm of my hand.

Buhhbai.

WTF your mom bitch!?

as in Want To Fuck

All my loveables you can stop bothering with me,

im fine.

Stop pretending that you care.

All my Fuckables, you can stop playing with me.

Im hot.

Stop fucking that rougtly.

 

 

Sticks and stones,cant break my bones, YOU FUCKFACE are still jumping on my toes.

Im being overwhelmed,

by this smile on my face ,

I must be out of my mind,

really, but i guess its fine.

If im not jet,

im surely moving there.

Why dont you stop staring at me,

with those ice cold eyes,

Let the setting sun turn them red,

its as if they were on fire.

Pure white, Bright green,

fighting as the seasons change

Whats the meaning of this all?

You might be like an open book,

but im not really interested in reading you.

Standing on the edge, I still have the edge.

Blades cant hurt me, your words, they never reached me.

Its all meaningless,

But, im not out of reach, im just hiding in the shadows.

You cant do a thing, since you cant see in the dark.

Penguins,Hippos,Elephants,Dolphins

Lazy but Sexy Slimy mutant Snails.

Do you have them?

nope!

Cause theyr all mine.

To fight them, youd need an antidote.

Can you get that?

Never.

Im not a bookworm,

But i will eat up everything you say.

Sometimes, its more important

to be able to move on after crashing down,

to build up everything from the start.

giving up is for the fools.

OH GOSH D: I just noticed! D:

Theres this huge building O.o

and there are trees on the roooooof :O

*DIESSSSS*

Well justin bieber still is worse. :O

Now when i start reminding...

OMFG . I sooo feel like my eyes just commited suicide today

For real.

I was just like all nicley and harmlessli hangin

around rate.ee and KABOOOM .

BANG .

it just hit me like that BANG

some 13 year old girls album...

FULLL OF FUCKEN JUSTIN BIEBER

and the headline of every picture was like (L))))

D: *dies*

i havent felt do dead since the last time I ACTUALLY WAS DEAD.

 

 

I come from hell, I dont come alone. Billions of souls, living in one shell.

I cant face the god without you,

basically,

i will forgive you but

i cant face myself for doing so amymore.

Exactly how many times has it been by now?

how many times have I torn ya apart,

how many times did i break your heart.

HOw MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK I HAVE CHEATED ON YOU?

bUT i guess it ddoesnt

matter,

Im just that cool.

I, for

the feelings i get, for

every feeling i manage to catch

just come here, live with me ,

im not like you, im not faceless

i will break you ,

but you wont be able to leave me behind.

"We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore

The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places

The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too

For when he died, he took a part of you..."

Every emotion that you might ever feel.

would you ever know,

I dont want you anymore.

I already got ya once.

So what for would i want you again?

Your like the piece of toilet paper,

i used you to wipe my ass once.

I dont want to touch you again.

Can you honestly say,

you dont want me?

Can you beleve in those words

from the bottom of your heart.

Is it just a tought?

or are you bold enough to say it out loud.

That you dont want me.

That i cant make you get all the emotions,

you tought you aint able to ever feel.

That i, the way i am now

aint almost too good to be true for you.

That i couldnt do whatever i want with you.

We both know,

i could.

I could do far more then id ever want.

Theres something wrong with me.

Theres something,

driving me insane.

Cause im insane.

Have always been.

And the longer i wait,

it will only get worse.

Even so, you cant wait .

You cant wait,

to get over me ,

get inside of me,

to get in my mind, soul, body.

Cause im just like that.

 

 

 

You wish you had me, but you really dont.

You turn me on,

you turn me on.

you wish you could

but you really dont.

you want to see

you want to feel

but all the emotions

you get swept away.

silent screams,

the shivers, thrills

you turn me on

in that mind of your own.

the reality is kinda tought

you will never get enough

im dancing naked in your mind

but in reality im not that kind.

in reality id hit you in your face

punch you out, out of my space

I dont want to fuck you every day

i just want you to stay away.

Do not touch me,

why cant you see?

its such a sin,

but forever, i will win.

I wont back down,

i wont give up

im being quiet

cause theres nothing left to shout.

If you only could,

but you cant

you turn me on

but you really dont.

You cant break me apart, tear my heart, slip into my head.

I dont remember if it was worth it.

I just dont remember.

Nich-sama

is going to be mad at me again.

just the tought of it hurts.

Cause no matter what

he might be a liar

but his words make me happy,

and he always helps me,

i have his support

theres no way I could ever fail.

Cause i have such an amazing person supporting me.

Its morning now.

I didnt make it to the 6:17 bus.

I fell asleep around 5.

noone was able to wake me up.

I guess i was just that tired.

im currently on a bus again.

Going to tartu to meet a friend and then get on

another bus to make it to work at another place at 5.

Im drinking beer,

This, it was my last trip.

was it worth the money and effort'?

i dont know.

wine,vodka,beer.

i guess i over did it again.

but i dont have an hangover.

i never do.

its 11:26.

I dont know why,i feel like an ampty shell.

I guess im a failure.

I always dissapoint people.

the only thing that never does that is my money,

and the booze that drags along with it.

I only just now turned the music on,

the silent screams in my head

they were driving me crazy.

dear agony,

just let go of me.

I dont know why, but i think im going to marry

Agony.

Robert, hes prolly mad , hes missing me.

Nich-sama , hes prolly mad, hes dissapointed in me.

Justin love, hes prolly sad , cause i wasnt there again.

So as you can see

the three most important people in my life,

are all mad .

Just cause im that important,

cause im amasing.

and you know .

nothing matter at all.

The water in the lake im driving by,

it seems so calm.

I feel like it could carry me to heavens arms

I has the time to take my breath.

Wind and thunder, theres none.

only inside of me the storm is rampaging.

the lights have been turned off.

I wonder how long has it been?

since the lights shined so bright.

But i guess its okay,

i can still make people smile.

And those people will never know that i dont.

cause im just like that.

The transparent waves of nothingless

could cover my eyes,

wash me away

The brilliant blue sky,

im not worth the wiev

cause its nothing like my heart,

its pitch black in there.

But you know,

the sky in there

it golden.

Your eyes staring at it,

you might never see,

but its really worth the effort.

Cause as bad of a person as i might imagine

as i might keep telling myself,

im a liar.

Its the best damn heart anyone could have wished for.

And its still thumping harder that yours

ever could.

For you.

For me.

For the worthless world that still,

means the whole of my life to me.

The scars might remain and i might fall apart.

But you still will be waiting.

You wont leave my side.

And, i love you more than words can say.

I wish,

could I stay alive forever with you?

within your heart?

I just want to break you apart.

Like everyone i meet on my way to hell.

But im worth so much more.

So much more.

Yesterday i left my phone on the bus so its lost now.

But you, you make the emptyness in me

you make it ache

Thanks to you, being able to have so many emotions.

Im thankful.

Im alive

.

i JUST MET HIM.

the guy who lives in Tartu.

but the short time we had.

It was worht it.

I heard girls use dots whenever they mean

smthing seriously.

:]