few past weeks have been like a drama written by an 11 year old, its so stupid and silly yet its creeping me and everyone out, you laugh about it but still ... its all happening and noone can stop it.
Only my death.
For some reason i get the feeling that i have been slowly killing myself ever since the
very beginning of myself.
Theres nothing I have done to keep on living.
Just have been putting myself down with weird toughts, killing myself with every step taken.
I still find it to be rather amasing to be this happy while waiting for my own death,
quite silly, aint it?
Tomorrow is the day. I will be 18.
What good have i done for myself in those 18 years? NOTHING.
Do i even have the will to keep on living? Oh my Hell yes?
The train drove past the graveyard.I still feel botheres by the dream.
I guess i should go there afterall.
Visit the grave of my very own brother.
How long has it been i wonder? 10 years? 11?
He is the reason i cant be happy on newyears eve.
Hes death has got nothing to do with me but for some reason i still feel like
if i were dead, had never been born maybe he would have gotten the chance to live instead
and who knows maybe he would have more use for this life.
Who knows indeed...
I know somone who wants to kill me...Maybe she will. Death never makes anyone happy tho.
Whatever she thinks my death will help her accoplish she will fail.Im just a tiny piece
out of billions in this puzzle.
I wish her luck, thats all i can do anyways.
By every step i take on this endless road somone will lose somone will gain something.
I cant make the whole world happy, just cant.
I will let the penguins chain me to the stone and grave the word pain trought every cell
of this mortal body.Until my mind goes blank and there is nothing else i know.
For the silly dream of being somone im not.
I will have the heart of stone.
Someday..someday for sure. ^^
