Ma vaatan arme oma kehal ,
mõtlen jälle minevikule ja tehtud vigadele.
Ma olen ikka veel , alles laps.
Number 20 , ei muuda midagi.
Ma olen õrn ja haavatav,
täpselt nagu siiski.
Friday
Tuesday
Just another day.
Ma vaatan ennast , kui kuradi palju olen ma muutunud.
Ja siis vaatan teisi , kes sellest arugi ei saa.
Vaadates minevikku ,
tundub enamus, mis siis tundus halb , nüüüd , palju palju parem
Aga ometi , miski pole kindel.
Siin ma siis olen , Siin, Kus ma olema pean.
Ma ei ole õnnetu.
Vist.
Täna on kole ilm.
Ausalt on.
Aga ma andsin lubaduse.
Nii ma siis hakkangi, mõtlema , lugema ja siis tegema.
Ühte ilusat õhtusööki.
Ta on seda väärt.
Palju rohkemgi.
Ma loodan , et ma olen ka.
Temajaoks.
Midagi väärt.
Natuke pingutamist ja palju hoolt.
Pole oluline.
Loeb ainult see, mida keegi teine ei tea ning ei näe.
Või olid need laused vastupidised.
Surisev Banaan nagu ma olen .
Aga ikka elan Vana Kummitusega koos.
Hakkangi teda KummiKummiks kutsuma vms :D
Im so fucking tired of people only caring about what they see,
Noone seems to give a damn shit about what I feel ,
Or why I feel so .
But seriously , Im telling you.
Pull yourself together
And start not only looking out , but actually beaing a HUMAN.
( or you can just go and keep being a worthless worm )
(and i just might add you to my black book )
Friday
Faith..
I condamned the turth , and chose to beleve in whatever i want to.
even if its untrue.
Its not like I DONT know , Its more like I DONT WANT TO know.
Like when it gets cold, and its hard to move your fingers,
you try to think about everything good, but your mind goes blank and you notice nothing.
Just traces, glittering in your past of all the things you have lost and let go.
It seems like theres nothing.
There is so much tho.
There is an end to and for everything, its just a difference of , if you know when things have to end,
you dont usually go dragging a corpse around the city you know.
I prefer to run.
So I shall run.
Cause if I stay, Im going to kill everything important to me.
I cant do that.
Even if I want to .
Im going to run , not from anyone else but from myself.
Even if it kills me.
Im stupid enough to figure out 1000000,s of reasons to make it okay ,
for myself atleast.
I guess thats okay .
It has to be.
My fingers are cold and feel heavy.
But it doesnt matter , in the end
we are all the same ,
fighting for nothing , pretending it to be our all.
Its just empty.
Or did I think I could save the humanity or make a difference?
Seriously , Im having a Hard Hard time , trying to save myself.
It doesnt matter.
What matters , is all , deep inside.
Its something only the trongest ones can notice.
I put all my faith , In ME.
Cause , Imma strong girl. Right, ...
I will laugh like this
even if its untrue.
Its not like I DONT know , Its more like I DONT WANT TO know.
Like when it gets cold, and its hard to move your fingers,
you try to think about everything good, but your mind goes blank and you notice nothing.
Just traces, glittering in your past of all the things you have lost and let go.
It seems like theres nothing.
There is so much tho.
There is an end to and for everything, its just a difference of , if you know when things have to end,
you dont usually go dragging a corpse around the city you know.
I prefer to run.
So I shall run.
Cause if I stay, Im going to kill everything important to me.
I cant do that.
Even if I want to .
Im going to run , not from anyone else but from myself.
Even if it kills me.
Im stupid enough to figure out 1000000,s of reasons to make it okay ,
for myself atleast.
I guess thats okay .
It has to be.
My fingers are cold and feel heavy.
But it doesnt matter , in the end
we are all the same ,
fighting for nothing , pretending it to be our all.
Its just empty.
Or did I think I could save the humanity or make a difference?
Seriously , Im having a Hard Hard time , trying to save myself.
It doesnt matter.
What matters , is all , deep inside.
Its something only the trongest ones can notice.
I put all my faith , In ME.
Cause , Imma strong girl. Right, ...
I will laugh like this
Okei, Olen imelik, NOOOOOJASIIIIIS?
Ma olen tige, hakkan kohukest suurest tigedusest sööma.
Tegelikult mitte. Jooma hakkan.
Täna võib , Täna on reede.
Kuigi ma olen oma suures naerukrambi masenduses ajataju täielikult kaotanud.
Tihtipeale ei tea , mis kell on , mis päev on , hea , et vähemalt tean kus ma olen.
Kes ma olen ?... no sellega on ka vahetevahel probleeme :D
Tegelikult mu tuju hakkab vaikselt tõusma.
Ma olen üksi , täitsa üksi.
Õues on pime ka.
Kui ainult ei sajaks, läheks kiikuma ka veel!
Aga okei , ma parem hakkan GTA-d vms mängima , lasen kõik inimesed maha :D
mul kuskil need koodid ka kirjas, et menti ei tuleks jne .
Plus ma pole veel 21 = mu rinnad kasvavad veel
See on super .
Teeb tuju jube heaks kuidagi .
Ega ma ise ka päris täpselt aru ei saa :D
Miks v nii.
JA SUVI TULEB KA MINGI VARSTI :D YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
hüperaktiivsus = minu suurim patt.
Tegelikult mitte. Jooma hakkan.
Täna võib , Täna on reede.
Kuigi ma olen oma suures naerukrambi masenduses ajataju täielikult kaotanud.
Tihtipeale ei tea , mis kell on , mis päev on , hea , et vähemalt tean kus ma olen.
Kes ma olen ?... no sellega on ka vahetevahel probleeme :D
Tegelikult mu tuju hakkab vaikselt tõusma.
Ma olen üksi , täitsa üksi.
Õues on pime ka.
Kui ainult ei sajaks, läheks kiikuma ka veel!
Aga okei , ma parem hakkan GTA-d vms mängima , lasen kõik inimesed maha :D
mul kuskil need koodid ka kirjas, et menti ei tuleks jne .
Plus ma pole veel 21 = mu rinnad kasvavad veel
See on super .
Teeb tuju jube heaks kuidagi .
Ega ma ise ka päris täpselt aru ei saa :D
Miks v nii.
JA SUVI TULEB KA MINGI VARSTI :D YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
hüperaktiivsus = minu suurim patt.
Monday
Geboren Um Zu Leben.
Its nothing special.
Cold attitude.Refusing to give in.Feeling alone.Being a stuck up bitch.
Anyone can do that.
The Coffee i made is prolly too strong, the food is still too hot to eat.
So im here. Here is where i belong. Its like my own little world,
everything is so easy on here.
Im currently looking for a new job. I dont feel like doing something I hate anymore.
Maybe it will be a step closer to being happy, well even if its just a little .
I prolly should give up on some things tho, in order to give new things a chance.
But im not that kind of a person.
We all are working out asses off one way or another anyways.
Most of us have to do tons of things they would rather not to anyways.
I beleve grown ups call that life.
Im not one yet , maybe thats why, its hard to accept,
this just might be everything there is to it.
Someone called offering me a job, the pay is pretty much the same,
work time would be 15:00 to 23:00 .
I dont know.
The time is perfect , its just that, if theres transport at tht time around.
even the place seems not too shabby.
I dont know, maybe cleaning is not my line of work tho,
even so i dont really mind , as long as its not my own home that im cleaning. :3
I really am like a penguin i guess, choosing one mate for my whole life.
Its just maybe tho.
But i still do beleve that even tho most of us run as soon as things get hard,
its really important to accept the bad and enjoy the good bits of life,
Its here anyways. If one thing doesnt happen then another will.
Im still just a simple drama queen i guess.
You know, i have been one whole my life.
I am like a magnet to the metal to bad things.
The last one is what happens when bored sannu gets her hands on paint :D
Cold attitude.Refusing to give in.Feeling alone.Being a stuck up bitch.
Anyone can do that.
The Coffee i made is prolly too strong, the food is still too hot to eat.
So im here. Here is where i belong. Its like my own little world,
everything is so easy on here.
Im currently looking for a new job. I dont feel like doing something I hate anymore.
Maybe it will be a step closer to being happy, well even if its just a little .
I prolly should give up on some things tho, in order to give new things a chance.
But im not that kind of a person.
We all are working out asses off one way or another anyways.
Most of us have to do tons of things they would rather not to anyways.
I beleve grown ups call that life.
Im not one yet , maybe thats why, its hard to accept,
this just might be everything there is to it.
Someone called offering me a job, the pay is pretty much the same,
work time would be 15:00 to 23:00 .
I dont know.
The time is perfect , its just that, if theres transport at tht time around.
even the place seems not too shabby.
I dont know, maybe cleaning is not my line of work tho,
even so i dont really mind , as long as its not my own home that im cleaning. :3
I really am like a penguin i guess, choosing one mate for my whole life.
Its just maybe tho.
But i still do beleve that even tho most of us run as soon as things get hard,
its really important to accept the bad and enjoy the good bits of life,
Its here anyways. If one thing doesnt happen then another will.
Im still just a simple drama queen i guess.
You know, i have been one whole my life.
I am like a magnet to the metal to bad things.
The last one is what happens when bored sannu gets her hands on paint :D
Thursday
Angels Fall.
Here I am . Finally.
How long has it been?
I dont know.
I dont care, I always just think and never do.
I know i should.
Im not in bits a pieces anymore.
I guess i will write something , something on monday.
Words can wait, the worst that can happen is they get forgotten.
Im not sad, Im not happy, im just the usual.
Waiting for someone to come and pick me up.
It never happens .
Truth is, Life is a gamble.
Or maybe its just a box of bonbons :D
Im eating waffles and and drinking beer , as always.
Im loved.I know it.
Yet i fail to feel it.
Knowing , has never saved anyone , not even me .
How long has it been?
I dont know.
I dont care, I always just think and never do.
I know i should.
Im not in bits a pieces anymore.
I guess i will write something , something on monday.
Words can wait, the worst that can happen is they get forgotten.
Im not sad, Im not happy, im just the usual.
Waiting for someone to come and pick me up.
It never happens .
Truth is, Life is a gamble.
Or maybe its just a box of bonbons :D
Im eating waffles and and drinking beer , as always.
Im loved.I know it.
Yet i fail to feel it.
Knowing , has never saved anyone , not even me .
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