God is not here but i will never leave,

I think that when we lose love we also lose a part of our confidence.

I havent lost my love cause the way i am now I havent been in love

not once in my whole lifetime.

When i look at what im writing on this blog now,

what i used to write in my notebooks last year the same time

and all the years before that

I guess i really have grown up a bit.

Back then there were times when i used to manipulate people,

i used to play around alot and i used to concentrate on revenge

and hatred no matter the person i was facing.

I dont think theres anyone who has met me,

who didnt smile cause of me but

there are also alot who smiled for me

and got thrown away and hurt

I know its not possible to live a life without hurting somone

on your way

but for this once

I feel like i should do the useless thing

get on my knees, throw away the pride

and say

" Im truly really sorry.I hope you can someday forgive me"

even with that done and said

we all know ,

only more people will get hurt in the future too.

I really have been searching for rainbows,

and i do go where the wind blows,

in the end i dont know,

what is love?