My heart is having a lunar eclipse right now

I will be strong and i wont cry

Just so you know

I have way too many regrets

so i wont be pointing em out.

One by one.

Cause i feel like im falling.

Drowning.

to the deepest of the blue sea.

But please dont worry cause i will fall smiling

Cause i beleve in me

and i can do better

its just a simple whine of a 

girl who grows stronger.

People just spend all their time

striving for something better

Im right here

I have got everything I could have dreamed of

A loving man, who holds me like noone else,

roof over the top of my head and ofc

Lets not forget our little child

Molotheus.

I should and could be happy 

If for a moment my mind would stop whining.

I just want you yo know

you make me smile.

by only looking out of the window 

the colors change 

I see this golden glow 

and the tone of the coldness 

by the sky

I feel free. 

Cause the colors shine so bright.

But the stonehenge like buildings kill my freedom 

cause between warm and cold theres no time 

for simple grey

I lost control over my emotions so 

Im not sure who I am anymore

but for sure i know im not lost

Im just changing sides .

you were my enemy cause you told me the truth

you were my lover cause its always been hide and seek. 

you were my one and only cause you always loved me back

you were my one one and true 

who i had never have to daubt.

you are my best friend my lover and my hatred. 

mostly you are just someone i love the most.

- I could be the darkness -

-Stills wishing to be your light-

I feel like theres nothing left of me

and the bits i have 

they are just a bit too far

i feel loved and happy

but just still 

unknowingly way too sad.

My head thinks the toughts i never 

imagined it would

and as it seems

i live in seperated worlds

emotions and reality feelings and the truth

lies and their worth 

its like i hate honey in my tea.

one day i wont be here to write anything

anymore

but we all know that.

none of anyone will be here to read it either.

so i would like this one person who changed my world

to know

i love you.

i love you so much 

that once i see you happier with someone else 

i will dissapear 

cause i will know 

im not deeded anymore.

'

your smile 

meand the world to me.

My heart beats

but the only thing i feel

Is 

Pain.

I pray and pray

become the prey 

God has forsaken what i beleve in 

I cant walk across the ile , 

not without my tears dropping 

As im prey for my prayers

Pray me in

And pray me out

the skin i shed 

aint of a snake

its the prey i swallowed whole

as i remember

i prayed for none.

I always do whatever this
thing is i call doing
until i stop and realize
i have done nothing.
so i try and try
and still reach the unknowing
cause i dont know what
im supposed to do.
I dont even know what im up to.
My heart could skip beats i wouldnt notice
Its all an illusion i live in.
no pain no harm.
In the end will i stay?
will i vanish?
Will i walk or will i run?
stand my ground ?
and what is that ground
my base my home?
or just another
space worth passing by

mirror mirror on the wall
remember we
we have bet before
bet on looks and bet on life
but in reality we never met
what i see i never like
so tell me now
in shattered pieces
will i like what i see
the next time on the bets we meet.