I have never NEEDED anything.

There have been things i have wanted, 

well until i found em quite unreasonable and bleh 

unworthy of my time.

I dont need nor want this feeling tho , 

the feeling of "Do i even Exsist"  followed by a questionmark unseen.

I wish i could fade for most i have , 

I_ wish i could fade formyself too.

So id care less and maybe , 

just maybe, 

I wouldnt always overthink.

Well few hours later, 

few allergypills and some cream later, 

Im fine.

the devil left the house for the mean time.

still just reminded me , how fucking shitty fast

it could turn my life upside down again.

I dont like it.

mirror mirror on the wall

please do tell me all i see are lies, 

My face is red and the burning scar on my chest

im not swallen yet but it troubles me

if it wont back down 

and i havent even colored my hair! 

so wtf!?

i cant go trought all that again.

idk whats happening again.

idk what to do.

i cant do shit .

i feel ugly as hell . im troubled as hell.

i am in hell.

cause i feel like it might stay like this forever that

noone knows whats wrong with me

and so my face just fucksitself up 

ya know whn its in the mood

-Sometimes my heart skips beats just by the thought that 

the next moment you might step into the room.-

-Sometimes my tears come from the toughts of thinking too much about 

the so called "what if"- 

-Sometimes the only thing that frightens me, is ending up back in the cage

back in the same room with violence and back to not being but always feeling alone.- 

-Sometimes i mess up explaining what i mean, So i start stuttering lost for words cause it makes me nervous, that you might lose the important point and the meaning of the #what i ment to say with what i said# -

Yesterday we walked to the middle of the so called big pond "tiik"

it was almost 5 in the morning.

and 12 hours later the ice that carried us even tho we might 

have fallen trought

was prolly just water, 

its just like that.

weather-

sometimes I just get so tired, 

tired oh so damn tired, 

that once you wrap your arms around me

i feel like collapsing

with the surrounding sounds 

as everything just stops 

and finally 

i can just rest with no hesitation.

My label says oh so true

as my heart it screams do i do