I come from hell, I dont come alone. Billions of souls, living in one shell.

I cant face the god without you,

basically,

i will forgive you but

i cant face myself for doing so amymore.

Exactly how many times has it been by now?

how many times have I torn ya apart,

how many times did i break your heart.

HOw MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK I HAVE CHEATED ON YOU?

bUT i guess it ddoesnt

matter,

Im just that cool.

I, for

the feelings i get, for

every feeling i manage to catch

just come here, live with me ,

im not like you, im not faceless

i will break you ,

but you wont be able to leave me behind.

"We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore

The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places

The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too

For when he died, he took a part of you..."

Every emotion that you might ever feel.

would you ever know,

I dont want you anymore.

I already got ya once.

So what for would i want you again?

Your like the piece of toilet paper,

i used you to wipe my ass once.

I dont want to touch you again.

Can you honestly say,

you dont want me?

Can you beleve in those words

from the bottom of your heart.

Is it just a tought?

or are you bold enough to say it out loud.

That you dont want me.

That i cant make you get all the emotions,

you tought you aint able to ever feel.

That i, the way i am now

aint almost too good to be true for you.

That i couldnt do whatever i want with you.

We both know,

i could.

I could do far more then id ever want.

Theres something wrong with me.

Theres something,

driving me insane.

Cause im insane.

Have always been.

And the longer i wait,

it will only get worse.

Even so, you cant wait .

You cant wait,

to get over me ,

get inside of me,

to get in my mind, soul, body.

Cause im just like that.

 

 

 

You wish you had me, but you really dont.

You turn me on,

you turn me on.

you wish you could

but you really dont.

you want to see

you want to feel

but all the emotions

you get swept away.

silent screams,

the shivers, thrills

you turn me on

in that mind of your own.

the reality is kinda tought

you will never get enough

im dancing naked in your mind

but in reality im not that kind.

in reality id hit you in your face

punch you out, out of my space

I dont want to fuck you every day

i just want you to stay away.

Do not touch me,

why cant you see?

its such a sin,

but forever, i will win.

I wont back down,

i wont give up

im being quiet

cause theres nothing left to shout.

If you only could,

but you cant

you turn me on

but you really dont.

You cant break me apart, tear my heart, slip into my head.

I dont remember if it was worth it.

I just dont remember.

Nich-sama

is going to be mad at me again.

just the tought of it hurts.

Cause no matter what

he might be a liar

but his words make me happy,

and he always helps me,

i have his support

theres no way I could ever fail.

Cause i have such an amazing person supporting me.

Its morning now.

I didnt make it to the 6:17 bus.

I fell asleep around 5.

noone was able to wake me up.

I guess i was just that tired.

im currently on a bus again.

Going to tartu to meet a friend and then get on

another bus to make it to work at another place at 5.

Im drinking beer,

This, it was my last trip.

was it worth the money and effort'?

i dont know.

wine,vodka,beer.

i guess i over did it again.

but i dont have an hangover.

i never do.

its 11:26.

I dont know why,i feel like an ampty shell.

I guess im a failure.

I always dissapoint people.

the only thing that never does that is my money,

and the booze that drags along with it.

I only just now turned the music on,

the silent screams in my head

they were driving me crazy.

dear agony,

just let go of me.

I dont know why, but i think im going to marry

Agony.

Robert, hes prolly mad , hes missing me.

Nich-sama , hes prolly mad, hes dissapointed in me.

Justin love, hes prolly sad , cause i wasnt there again.

So as you can see

the three most important people in my life,

are all mad .

Just cause im that important,

cause im amasing.

and you know .

nothing matter at all.

The water in the lake im driving by,

it seems so calm.

I feel like it could carry me to heavens arms

I has the time to take my breath.

Wind and thunder, theres none.

only inside of me the storm is rampaging.

the lights have been turned off.

I wonder how long has it been?

since the lights shined so bright.

But i guess its okay,

i can still make people smile.

And those people will never know that i dont.

cause im just like that.

The transparent waves of nothingless

could cover my eyes,

wash me away

The brilliant blue sky,

im not worth the wiev

cause its nothing like my heart,

its pitch black in there.

But you know,

the sky in there

it golden.

Your eyes staring at it,

you might never see,

but its really worth the effort.

Cause as bad of a person as i might imagine

as i might keep telling myself,

im a liar.

Its the best damn heart anyone could have wished for.

And its still thumping harder that yours

ever could.

For you.

For me.

For the worthless world that still,

means the whole of my life to me.

The scars might remain and i might fall apart.

But you still will be waiting.

You wont leave my side.

And, i love you more than words can say.

I wish,

could I stay alive forever with you?

within your heart?

I just want to break you apart.

Like everyone i meet on my way to hell.

But im worth so much more.

So much more.

Yesterday i left my phone on the bus so its lost now.

But you, you make the emptyness in me

you make it ache

Thanks to you, being able to have so many emotions.

Im thankful.

Im alive

.

i JUST MET HIM.

the guy who lives in Tartu.

but the short time we had.

It was worht it.

I heard girls use dots whenever they mean

smthing seriously.

:]

I feel like its gunna rain like this for days in my head.

Your eyes have been wondering over these lines for a while

your fingers typing the exact same words

your toughts have wondered the same roads

and you you too have been standing in this place.

You might currently not be moving on,

I wouldnt be able to tell,

the toughts running in our heads

are the only connecting threads.

The distance and the lies

all the hellos and goodbyes

We both somehow still do know,

we will meet until the blood in our veins it still flows.

I wish i could have Stayed alive forever.

 

They dont know,

im just a ghost living in the past

You dont know ,

I have been already gone since the start.

Just because i dont say,

it doesnt mean the pain aint real

For the tears that you have seen,

i have made up so many reasons

Do you know what was right or wrong

did i tell you the truth,

or chose the easiest way out?

I wouldnt mind, if its with you

forever is fine.

I will give my best to make it there

cause i know you would too for me.

When it comes to you .im like all the people i hate

my mind makes you perfect,

and even tho i prolly know all your flaws,

far better than my own,

before my eyes, they all just dissapear.

But you know I dont love you.

That selfish word,could never express me.

It would never make you understand,

and these feeling are worth much more.

I wouldnt cry for you, I wouldnt die,

but i will smile and keep living on.

So for as long as your gone

i will wait for you ,

and somehow im sure

you will find your way back to me.

Just how maney times did you read these lines and smile? :]

Totally worth my time :D

Im really tired from working all the time,

so i have been thinking myself crazy.

Totally could present you with atleast 100 "New Worlds" theories :D

i cant even type normally anymore :D

and today i can sit here for fucken thankgod 8 instead of 12 hours but

with no internet.

Well i guess i have my Sexy radioactive mutant Snails

and yes they just keep getting new powers.

and ofc my penguins who will never leave my side:]

so next time you try to do something weird to me

try to remember :O

the penguins are watching :D

and oh now just two eyes on you babeh...

but around hahahhaa 600billion :D

I dont beleve in second chances, but i still wonder just how many have i gotten?

People never change and if they do ,

its prolly unitentional.

Well maybe just a little bit ,

cause everyone is scared.

scared of the unknown

You could be my string of light in the dark.

Today i was like told

that my penguin jokes are getting old D:

and i was like hey you there stupid looking guy

your at such a young age..you wanna die?

And he was like No Please do not

no balls i havent got

Please let me choose, position take

let your penguins do the rape rape rape :3

mwhahaha.

And thats just the way things roll.

you fucken stupid troll :]

~I feel its gunna rain,

and all the giant waves

i will never let them wash me away.~

 

 

My footprints in the snow, just faded away.

~ This hollow feeling,

head full of emptyness.

I will put you up to a test.

Untill then i shall never rest. ..~

Agony

Agony

Why dont you just come and take me?

If you just want me so bad ,

you can be my son, my dad

Like a dark curtain '

cover my whole life

Just step a little bit closer

i will rip apart yout inside.

I will start with your mind

move downt the spine

i will shatter your heart

My dearest Agony.

Love has always hurt both sides.

Thats why its nothing but selfishness

Its like walking into a dream ,

and you know somewhere behind one of the lifes corners

its secretly hiding

and like a murderer

it will take you to your slowest suicide.

And you will end where you began.

Dear Agony. <3

Why did you have to say you love me?

why did you have to ask me to be your girlfriend?

WHY FOR GODS SAKE!?

WTF am i supposed to say with the other

hundreds of guys with same hopes?

How can i take away the very same hope that i gave?

I just dont have that kind of heart. Just dont.

But even so i do love you too.

But your just not the only one i love.

but then again

maybe you are its really hard to tell.

You dont love me,

you just want to catch the unreachable.

or whatt?

Im so tired, of all your games.

Just so tired, as a dead man in its chest

after living 100 years.

We have been waiting for you.

In the end I already know,

not a drop of blood will be left in my heart

not a drop of happyness will be left in my veins

and there wont be nothing but emptyness

in my brain, in my mind.

I dont know if im where i should be,

i dont know if im even close to

where i want to be ,

i know im kinda far away

too damn far away of who i want to be.

At this moment i beleve i cant even say

im close to what i can be.

Def not close to what i could be.

All the misery, pain

and the tears that noone knows of

including the ones i myself cant

remember

they werent for no reason .

They have given me much more then

my words can ever say

you too should just wait and see

how i become much more

much much more then you ever imagined.

I might be damn too far away

and atm i might be standing still

but when i start moving on

i wont look back

and i wont hesitate

you nor anything else

wont be able to stop me .

This time i will express myself ,

in all the unlimited ways

and i will

do all the things the me in the past

tryed to lie transparent.

We all know, nothing is worse then giving up

and how can i say all this and be so sure of it?

If i cant even beleve in myself..

how can i expect others to ?

It all starts from me and ends with me ,

not exactly a closed circle but still

what else could we call it?

I just wanna come first.

In everything i cant but there still are things i can in.

Not for you not for anyone else

but for ME

cause we all know,

im worth so much more ,

worth all the things i used to

put aside,

all the things i have given to everyone else

but myself in this life.

I know that i might break down somewhere

on this way .

But just watch

sooner then you think

my head will rise,

the world full of broken glass

will be stronger and shine brighter then ever.

My head wont stay down ,

broken bones will heal in time.

And the scars i will make them fade away.

All the curses of this world

I shall break em apart.

All the things you cant beleve in

i will prove them to you .

And for everything i can, i will

find way trought all the defences

This world

its all in our heads

what we make of it , take of it.

our own choices.

And maybe i cant do anything alone, but IM NOT ALONE

I have the support of the most amazing people in the world.

Just dont give up.

just dont.

cause you dont have to.

never.

Dont let anyone take that from you.

And even if that were to happen,

you know where to find me.

I will give you everything back

if not much more.

Cause i can.

 

Your cock is so small that it cant even be seen from up above. You know from the point where i stand.

OMFG JEEEZUZCHRIST

Today hasnt been Sannuastic at all .

Its like I FUCKING HATE LITTLE KIDS

Kill em. Lets just KILL EM ALL

If you cant fucking shut em up

DONT BRING THEM IN PUBLIC PLACES

theyr so ugly and faggy and pointless anyways.

Hide em.

I dont wanna see those gross creatures

they make my head go KABOOOOOM

and my brain is on thew floor

and i feel like a zombie ready to suffocate em one by one.

Also The slow motion people on the streets are fucking annoying.

they cant even walk straight! so it basically makes

just passing by IMPOSSIBLE

i dont have time to waste on walking bitches

so get out of my way or imma step on your fucking heads.

If you cant even walk normally

you SHOULD STAY HOME JUST LIKE THE BABYFUCKERSS

:3 Well anyways getting all happyhappy again

IM SO FUCKING BORED.

Ne you know.

The moments that you spend on thinking about

stuff like what you should have done differently ..

or what you shouldnt have done.

WELL JUST STOP THINKING FUCKFACE.

whats the point anyways?

you had fun , it turned out bad

just deal with the conciquenses and do it again :D

Lifes too short for regrets anyways.

So yushh Here i am again writing up ...

ugh pointless crap?

or lets say just random toughts. :3

totally a waste of time too.

but since im doing it while at work.

im actually not wasting any time at all.

I lost intrest in you the moment i saw you in the right light,

and in you, and you

basically in everything

just not the world,

it changes colors unlike humans.

so dont tell me that its black and white

the only thing thats black and white ,

its the world in your mind , cause lets just face it

your FUCKING BLIND, you refuse too you dont want to see

and you just LOOOVE hiding from the reality.

Dont blame me, Imma die with a smile on my face

even if you dont!

Oh and i love the conversations.

Stranger : Hey sexy whats up`?

Me: nm. at work hbu?

Stranger: layin here in boxers wanna join?

Me:No thanks.

Stranger:Awww why. Lets have some fun?

Me: No.

Stranger: You dont like penis?

Me: No.I like penguins in YOUR ass.

Stranger: are you lezbian?

Me: No.

Stranger: How come you dont like penis then?

Me: Its so ugly, i dont like ugly things.

Stranger: How can it be ugly its just a piece of meat?

Me: But it looks like a mutant worm D:.

Stranger: Get over yourself.

Me:Haha im just fucking with your brain.

Stranger:Its not my brain beng fucked with its my dick feeling this convo.

Can it get any better? :D

I couldnt care less cause i dont care at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Im not insane. But i will leave you all like that.

So why dont you love me when i makemyself  so damn easy to love.

And no this song to me def aint talkin bout my mom.

 

 

I will Haunt you. Oh yess i will.

Until i can i will. When i cant im dead.

 

Its fucking cold and the wind, well

its almost as if i were flying,

standing so high

i hope i wont fall.

up above

there is really nothing but the stars and you know

i really do feel blown away.

All the toughts in my head

seem somewhere far away.

All the feelings ,

i dont think its even possible to feel more neutral

about everything.

Its as if i had none.

If it gets quiet..

i will know.

The storm, its on the way.

But all that, just doesnt matter.

Lets just turn our pity lives

into something much more meaningful.

I have been waiting for you to say something,

to do something

but i guess, Things dont just happens as fast

as id like, with me standing still.

Cause i always have to do everything on my own.

Since i met you, i have been slightly

happier, cause the laughter that you give me

is too big to be put in just words.

I find it amazing to have met you. :]

Those people called "you" and "you"

They dont know im talking about them

but that is exactly why ,

everyone has the right to feel

and think, that im talking about them.

None of You will prolly ever find out tho

if your toughts were the truth..

or if the truth has been hidden,

If there was a box inside of me,

you wouldnt want to see it,

the only reason youd want to open it

is curiosity,

cause im just like that,

But you too shall fail,

as everyone before you and everyone

who come after.

Im like a kid, dont become my toy.