At some point i must have made a deal with the devil.
Or so it seems.
Why else would i be so darn sad all the time.
I dont even have a reason to be sad.
I just feel really really sad
with no reason.
So whenever im alone I cry.
And whn im not alone
I try not to cry.
My soul is in pain.
I feel really really lonely
I suppose i always have.
Cause i have never been able to
put my pain into words.
So i cant expect anyone to understand me.
I dont have words to explain this.
I dont know why im just sitting and crying .
Im not thinking about anything.
i have no emotions.
Im just crying.
 On days like this
id just want to get drunk and do whatever
to keep my mind off of this
nothing.

Makes me feel really really small
and worthless.

I dont pity myself,
theres no reason to do that.

I just wish i was never born.

All i do is hurt the people
i love the most with  emotions like this.
I cant even do shit about it.
Im not that strong to keep pretending im fine forever.

Thats okay tho..
Im already broken.
Its not like i can break any further.

I wont apologize.
Cause i cant help feeling like this.

You are my only happyness,
The only one who makes me feel warm
and safe.
For you can smile with my whole heart.
I really really love You.
I hope you know that.

Maybe its not such a bad thing
to have been born
to be alive afterall.
Otherwise , .
I wouldnt have you by my side.
I can survive anything
with you by my side.

rewinded

Sometimes i feel like ,
life simply goes in loops.
somehow after some time ,
i end up with the same feelings.
situations and life are so different
but emotions, toughts .
in the end its like a broken tape
that keeps playing the same song.

im so stuck on who i have to be
that i dont even remember who i am.

Well i suppose
I have always in reality been the girl
who cries the most
lies the most
worries the most
whines the most
the most stupid one.

not the

whatever what people seem to think
well atleast until they get to  know me.

I even whine about myself whining.
really bleh.

even so im actually a quite lucky and a happy person.
I just seem to compress too much negative emotions into packages that explode.
while i give all the happy stuff in me away.

Cause my heart beats and im alive.

I can never turn my back on you 

but whn life comes with beats and struggles

i know you would stand back to back with me

and beat the crap out of all problems.

cause i love you.

cause you love me.

and thats all i need.

I dont wanna walk across my words,

id rtaher the paths my steps have silently ran in.

YOUR JUST ANOTHER EMPtY LIE!

and you spent all that time making me beleve

That i Am Not alone---

why the hell would hurting me bring someone

so much fun

that all my troubles would be nothing 

and 

the tears in my eyes would not be real.

I could count and change the colors

but the colors are never really counted 

for what i count and i hold mine. 

cause i hold the colors of mine.

I wouldnt know what life is like, 

what its worth or how id bleed

cause i have never held NOTHING

on the palm of my hand.

I could be on the verge of oblivion 

maybe starring with the big bliss

I could be stealing my own life away.

I could be in loves debth,

Is there anything i couldnt ... 

oh yes 

i cant revive myself from what once will come.

But thats something i wouldnt want anyways.

Try and steal my demons away

thats like comitting suicide babe.

cause im not giving em up.

- I FEEL LIKE I AM DROWNING - 

But I need to breathe...

everyone is moving foward, 

striving for something.

travelling, doing, running.

and thn theres ME ,

right here, standing still.

stuck somewhere, 

in my little simple mind.

NOT TAKING A DAMN STEP

thinking

I DONT NEED TO DIE

I AM ALREADY 

DEAD AND BLIND.

Noone asked. If i want to be born , 

even if they did , its no use, i dont remember

all i know is 

i dont belong to this world, 

i dont belong here, 

I dont want to be a part of 

ANY OF THIS EXCEPT...

STEAL MY LIFE AND DRAG ME TO FREEDOM.

REMIND ME WHO I AM.

EVERY TIME I FORGET.

LEAD ME BACK TO TRACK.