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Its darker thn balck, I am the Sin for everyone to  commit. Sinful, I am the Saint.A complete beast still just a silly kid. Blame the penguins, you will never be able to tell what the real me is like.The Real, real me without a fake smile, all these masks without fear and tears.100% Sannu, not the alienish girl you think you know.But as far as i know you prolly really dont care at all.Oh well guess what??? I can pretend not to care far better thn you in fact I dont even have to pretend when it comes down to you all.I just dont care, I dont have to. I choose not to waste my emotions.YOU ARE EMPTY BITCH! I on the other hand only care about treasure islands not empty boxes, deserted islands that have been burnt into ashes. There is nothing to see, Nothing to discover , just dark grey bullshit that makes you gough and trys to suffocate you as if it actually had free will and hands. Quite facinating, aint it? I JUST HATE YOU! You is nothing but selfishness and arrogance, ignorance and fakeness. I would consider you worthless but life has its own turns and one way or another im stuck with you.What do you consider me to be? Who do you think I am? You know im not a piece of paper for you to scribble on, I am not at your disposal.Being me hurts alot, but that is prolly my own fault.No matter what you still sometimes make me smile,.BEING SANNU JUST AINT ENOUGH. I am still sure there is much more for me to be then just Sannu Suicidal and whatever you might say i am Spectacular.Being me is one of the things sience will never be able to prove, your mind will never agree to, only thunder might know, cause we are soulmates.It might be cause of that that I am still missing my other half.It hasnt struck me. Blood is thicker then the water in the river of memories.This river is running trough my veins and mind way faster Its almost as if life was nearing to its end.I can see it all clearly passing by. The river starts to overflow, the flood is getting stronger, and the 7 seas of my mind are getting stormy as the waves rapidly start to grow.I would like to sleep for a while, I want to feel it slowly freeze. I WANT IT ALL TO STAND STILL. Just do. When my heart stops beating, just come and kickstart it again.I just might love you to death then. Im just a little bit slow, Dont cry cause of me, I am not worth it.Whatever my selfish self does i still want to see you smile.So instead of being sad, just smile and live for all the good times still to come. Its worth it, I swear.Beleve me. Somone like me would know all about it. I really do. I know way more thn I would like to.But its not like i can jusr forget everything like that.I can only forgive everyone including me. DOT DOT DOT YOU MADE ME CRY, YOU THREW ME DOWN. I cant blame anyone but me. I really am stupid, really really stupid. I cant beleve it was you who i spent so much time thinking about. I wish i could hate you, but here i am waiting for you to call just so I somehow could fix everything again. Its not really even my mess, so I dont know, Why I am even bothering with it.If you dont want it to be fixed like I do, I would rather if you just killed me.Im just tired of fighting alone for somone elses sake. In the end, this fight too prolly wont benefit me at all, instead i will lose something far more important. JUST GET OUT. Out of my head.  Im so sorry, I really do hate the two faced person I am.I wonder if there is anything i could do to fix it all. Cause I think you are special. I wish i could just turn back time and do it all again. I have too many regrets atm. I'M REALLY STUPID. Am I not? HaHa.I feel so much better now. Seems like talking things straight always helps.I still feel like I am the one at fault tho. I should be more honest with myself and say all the things straight into peoples faces, not consider their feelings that much. I know im too considerate about everyone elses feelings. But I seem to forget I should only be like that when it comes to the people whos feelings actually matter to me. SCREW YOU. 


To be continued...