Diaries of the girl whos gone.

Find me if you can.

   In my little dirty mind full of bullshit and worthless emotions, I have prolly already traveled trought the whole world, the universe and been on every star, even on the ones not seen from earth.I still am, just a kid full of flaws.Im far from perfect but at least i dont let that little thing ruin my everyday life.I find it quite funny how much i have cried over pointless things, but then again on those times i really must have found em to be really important.At the moment i feel kind of empty,  Im just writing cause i cant sleep for some reason.You know I just cant stop thinking about why things are the way they are, why am I who I am today and how did i become this empty person.I am happy but then again, Im not.I am cause i can be, but im not cause i feel that there is something missing.Might be a part of myself, someone i have lost,something i gave up,Something i still havent found. I DONT FUCKEN KNOW! It would be pointless to ask, cause i dont reply to questions i dont like.I prolly am just afraid to say it out loud,all the insane things running around in the Nile of my mind.Afraid that you cant accept me the way I am.Just being this alien I dont really know anything about the world but Im still trying to dance along with the unknown group of retards surrounding me to this melody i have never heard before.I tend to mess up alot, people always laugh, I do too.About the silly things that actually matter to me, they laugh even louder, I dont, It hurts.That might be why I always try to act so tought, promise to beat you up, and laugh out loud as if i didnt care at all. Maybe if you listen, you can hear the bitterness and pain in my voice. In reality , I CARE WAY TOO MUCH. in fact i care way more thn your average person about many weird things and about all the things i already ages ago pushed you into beleveing i dont.Cause i find it easier to live when noone knows my weaknesses.Yes, I know that that very same thing just might be my biggest weakness of all.In my mind i always try to desperately find excuses for people hurting me cause its my fault they dont know but thats prolly only how it works in my mind cause somehow i feel that my heart is still blameing em hiding deeper into the depths of the treasure chest with big black enormous lock.I guess its fine, somone surely will manage to open it.MY MIND NEVER AGREES WITH MY HEART. City lights are blocking my wiev , I cant see clearly but its fine they will soon die out.I will be able to see all the stars in the sky.In my mind i will be counting how many there are, in my heart  i will be hoping to make a wish on a falling star.I might be stupid to hope to see em , cause the unseen things tend to matter more, but why not, since thats what i have eyes for.Im slowly trying to recover from sitting in the dark for far too long, Sun is really bright, makes me wonder if such amazing things really should be seen by the likes of me.Can i scream? New days will bring many unkown things, the wind depending on its strenght is bringing changes, breaking down trees on its way.Two hands, Im holding my hat, wouldnt want it to blow my mind away like that.Ne, Do you think im weird?I hope these toughts never cross your mind.Its pityful , what has come of me.This person still needs tons of training to become who i want to be.Its cause im weak that i can still become much much stronger.I will do what i can,Be who i can and become who i want to be. STRENGHT IS MORE THN JUST MUSCLES N BODYFAT. Mentality, use it . Sannu is a brainfucker ^^. DONT BLAME ME. I just am who I am.I do all these stupid,silly,wreckless,pointless,weird things.I might have lots of regrets, I wouldnt know, I have never spent any time on thinking about it.I have done so many stupid things in these 17, almost 18 years that its actually amazing to be alive.The walks on the beach, Singing to the stars, running cause of fear, loseing everything there is to.I still try to keep moving foward to once again smile from the bottom of my heart.But it feels empty , as if it was something impossible to reach. MY HEART IS BOTTOMLESS

To be continued...