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The one i was supposed to continue, i couldnt find that notebook, but i will give it to you later ,
for now, this will do.

Somehow everything seems empty
Snow its white, beautiful and distant.
Every time i reach my hand out to it, it melts to nothing.
as soon as it touches me.
Im scared that when i reach my hand out..
everything else.. 
might just melt away like that too , 
and slip trought my fingers, 
drop by drop.

~6th nov 2009.

I do not know what kind of plans may life have with me, 
but i do know what are my plans with my life.

The littlest things are the most important ones in life, 
Those littlest things are causing the biggest part of me
to break down.

Growing up is the part of life everyone has got to fall trough.
The way we grow up and the time it takes is different but 
in the end we all grow up anyways.
'Im not sure when that hapens... 
I miss the days when i didnt really need a reason to smile 
when i didnt really know what life was like 
and when such little things that now make me worry just made me laugh out loud.

There were times , when i could dance in the rain and smile.
Now i still thank the sky for the rain ,
but the reasoning is different.
Now it just feels like the world is laughing over me 
when the sun shines so bright on the days ,
when its raining my heart.

~7th nov 2009

Isnt it kind of unfair we are just brought to this time and space 
so we could suffer and die in the end?
I dont know if the good memories can really make up for the bad ones and 
if making somone smile or smiling can make us forget the tears we have cried,
but i too am trying to think that there must be more to life then just this.

I feel like im screaming in a sound-proof room, 
and even tought the walls are made of glass and everyone can see me screamin
they just dont care what im trying to say.
I dont think that it will ever change , 
Or maybe when its already too late,,

People say that the bigger you get the bigger dreams you will have but i think 
that when you are young your dreams are the biggest of all , 
cause you actually aint scared to dream big , 
you dont know 
they might never come true.

Even tho this is my life it seems, 
everyone else knows better how i should live it.

im a emo hippi clown?
life aint a carneval ,
get over it and grow up 
or you just might end yo being one yourself.

My guardian angel , aint pure white, 
one of its wings must be black and tattered, 
i am the same way ,,,
me and my angel we are the same.

Someday somehow i will make my dreams come true, 
I think i own that to myself.

~8th nov 2009.